The World’s Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy, “Will you marry me?” The guy said, “No,” and the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, had friends, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook and farted whenever she wanted.

The End.

(I wish I could take credit for this, but it was one of those annoying email forwards that are occasionally funny. And, BTW, it’s not ENTIRELY accurate. I’m married and I fart whenever I want. In fact, I fart more now than in my unmarried days because now I’m forced to defend myself.)

Christmas Cheer

And it doesn’t even involve rum!

Yes, folks, I’m proud to say that the Christmas spirit has finally struck me. And so, to celebrate, here are pictures of our lovely home, fully decked in Christmas crappery.

Our front door:

Our dining room:

The view from our living room through our dining room and into our kitchen (we have an open floorplan):

Our stairs:

Our bedroom:

And, lest I forget, our Christmas tree:

Our stockings, all hung with care:

The Christmas village:

Merry Christmas everyone!

The Angel on the Christmas Tree

For your holiday reading pleasure, here’s my favorite Christmas story.

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip but there were problems everywhere. Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit; this stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out at heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the coffeepot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made of. Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas Santa. Isn’t it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn’t it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the tree.

Author Unknown