TOPIC

I don’t wanna work, I just wanna bang on the drums all day. Actually, I don’t. I don’t like drums, really. They’re loud. Especially if you’re sitting right next to them, which you kind of have to be if you’re going to bang on them. And really, if I wasn’t working, I’d probably be bored. And then I’d complain about being bored. Man, I am just not easy to please.

NEXT TOPIC

You know that new Sheryl Crow song? I like it, but I don’t want to like it. Why? Because it’s scientifically impossible. “Every time you hear the rolling thunder, you turn around before the lightning strikes.” Uh, hello, dumb-as-a-post songwriter. Lightning strikes BEFORE you hear the thunder. Because light travels at the speed of, well, light and sound… um… doesn’t. And that’s as scientific as I can get, which is still better than mixing up the order. Anyone who’s ever been in a thunder storm knows that. But darn if it’s not the catchiest tune on the radio right now.

It’s kinda like that Alanis Morrissette song, “Ironic.” None of the examples in that song are ironic. Now that’s ironic. Or maybe just sad. But I still like the song, darn it. I can’t help it.

NEXT TOPIC

This has been the week of Hell at work. I mean it. Firey inferno and everything. Sulfur and gnashing of teeth and wailing (mostly my gnashing of teeth and wailing, and the sulfur was most likely just the fart smells coming from my coworkers, but still). But you know what made it all better this morning? Someone told me, “You did a great job.” Maybe I am easy to please.

NEXT TOPIC

Gnash is a cool word. Really, any word with a silent g at the front is awesome. Gnu is the only other one I can think of. And that one’s not really silent, is it? Anyway.

Back in the day, when I used to chat with random strangers on the internet because I had nothing better to do, I had this one chat going with this guy where we put a silent g at the beginning of every word where it would fit. Because we thought it was funny. I don’t know. Guess you had to be there.

“Gnice day, isn’t it?”
“Gnot bad, gnot bad.”

Ad gnauseam. Get it? Eh, gnevermind.

NEXT TOPIC

I’m learning the Tarot. Now before you go all the-Tarot-is-a-cult-thing on me, let me just point out that so is Halloween, but it’s still pretty darn fun. And that’s why I’m learning it. Because it’s fun. Like dream interpretation or astrology or meditation. Fun, and maybe a tool to help with insights into the subconscious. So now that I’ve preemptively defended myself (just call me Dubya), I was wondering if anyone wants a free reading from a novice (read: me). I need some practice, and you are just the suckers to practice on. Anyway, if you want to give it a try, email me and I’ll help you formulate a question and then write a response for you from the cards. I’ll leave it up to you as to whether or not I’m allowed to post it, either anonymously or not. Letting me post it is not a requirement. Buuuut it might help me put a more positive spin on your reading.

NEXT TOPIC

I guess I’m all out of topics. Go play outside. The weather sure is gnice.