Recipe: Strawberry Asscake

I don’t know how to make decent strawberry shortcake. However, my friends and I discovered the secret to disgusting strawberry shortcake over the weekend.

1. Get delicious local strawberries which are just now in season from the local farmer’s market.

2. Purchase some delectable shortcakes.

3. Get a wild hair and decide that the strawberry shortcake needs some kind of liquor. After a brief and somewhat incomplete Google search, decide on rum.

4. Pour rum on shortcake. The rum will immediately get sucked into the shortcake, making it look like that entire shot you just dumped in there is gone. Go ahead, add more.

5. Top with strawberries and whipped cream.

I don’t have the words to tell you how disgusting this concoction was… But I will try. You know that kick-in-the-face scrunchy sinus-clearing thing that happens when you get too much wasabi? It was like that, only more burny and less fun. And it also tasted gross. Rum? Good. Strawberries? Good. Shortcake? Good. But all together? Very, very bad. Be warned.