The Return of the Weekend One-liners

My favorite FAIL blog photo of the week

I was reading through a very, very old blog of mine the other night (trolling for NaNoWriMo plot ideas, but that’s neither here nor there– and, no, I don’t have a plot yet– gah!) and realized that my posts used to be funny. For real. They were pithy, funny, slice-of-life posts and I enjoyed re-reading them.

Theories on why my blog is no longer funny: (1) I write about Serious Writing Career stuff now; (2) I lost my ability to be funny; (3) my life is not really entertaining anymore; (4) I was never funny in the first place and I’m the only one who thinks my old blog was funny.

In any case, I’m bringing back a staple of the old blog, Weekend One-liners. Basically, it’s a collection of snippets from blogs and tweets that made me laugh this week. It’s more fun to laugh together, so of course, I’m sharing them here with you. Here’s the first week’s installment. Enjoy!

“This waiting room is an appropriate place to engage in incessant ball-scratching,” thought the man sitting next to me. –LynneKelly

Going to the kids school Halloween Carnival today. Yippee. Can’t wait. Really, hold me back. Please. –skaneauthor

I can’t think of any scenario in which it is okay that I just found the soy sauce in the bathroom. Just . . . no. –LisaRosen

You do realize that novel you wrote in a month will suck more ass than an 80 hp automatic ass-sucking machine, right? #NaNoWriMo –robvlock

The other morning, in addition to Jackson’s regular breakfast of — oh, let’s say oat bran and prune juice, since no matter what I say someone will judge me for it so I might as well pretend I give him one of those gerontological diets whose entire point is to pass through your body and out your colon completely unnoticed. –Fussy

Follow these people on Twitter, read their blog posts, for, yea, they are teh funny.