Stuff I’ll Never Wear (Unless my Legs Get Chopped Off in a Horrible Accident and Are Replaced with Rachel Bilson’s Legs)

I’m somewhere in this weird nether-region between fashionable and unfashionable. I’ve always at least nominally tried to stay on top of things. In high school in the ’90s I did the whole flannel and oversized t-shirt thing. In college, I dressed like a college student: hoodie couture. And then I tried to assemble a fashionable work-appropriate wardrobe for my career-oriented 20s.

The thing is, there have always been items I am completely unwilling to try. Mini skirts were the thing a few years ago. Yeah, I totally skipped those. Skinny jeans are in right now and you will never see my giant thighs walking around in those things. Never. Sweater dresses? Nope. I looked like a puffy teddy bear. And I was ok with just letting those trends pass me by. No problem.

Every now and then, though, there’s a thing that’s in fashion that I really want to do, but just can’t. That whole jeans-tucked-into-tall-boots thing? I bought tall boots. I tucked my jeans into them. I looked semi-ridiculous and very upside-down triangle-y. But I did it anyway.

This summer, it’s maxi dresses.

I love the idea of maxi dresses. Long, flowy, forgiving dresses that are cool and yet not revealing. Lots of people look great in them. I would look like a hot air balloon. Siiigh. So I’ll be wearing my capri pants and A-skirts all summer again, I guess, and all the skinny people can prance around in their maxi dresses, all superior in their fashionable-ness. And I’ll try not to be too jealous.

Tell me your secret wishes. What do you wish you could wear that you just can’t? Come on, spill. It will make me feel better.