5 Things I Won’t Tweet

You all know I’m a huge Twitter nerd. I love the rapid-fire info stream and the conversations with friends near and far. And I’m not sure there’s anything more fun than the challenge of writing something entertaining, useful, or profound in 140 characters or less. But there are some things I won’t tweet about:

1. My weight. This one I learned the hard way. When a woman tweets about her weight in what she thinks is a funny and self-deprecating manner, she will not get funny replies. She will get replies like, “YOU ARE NOT FAT!” or worse, “Aw, sorry sweetie. Want to come work out with me?” Other self-deprecating humor does not cause such reactions, but for some reason, weight does, so I’m staying far away, even though I had a really good tweet on deck the other day about how fat I looked in the dress I was wearing.

2. Pictures of other people’s kids. This one is hard, especially if they are freaking adorable, but it’s a hard and fast rule and will not be broken.

3. Bad stuff about anyone. I mean, unless it’s about an anonymous waitress, bus driver, etc., who doesn’t know my name and never will. Got called in to my community college advisor’s office a couple of years ago because I tweeted that my instructor thought I was cheating when I turned in an assignment early (which was true). Yes, the instructor was a poo-head, and yes I was unjustly accused, but it was so totally not worth that embarrassing conversation with my advisor for a quick vent on Twitter.

4. Inspiring quotes. Gag.

5. TMI health info. Hey, I’m all for the occasional picture of a gross injury, or a funny tweet about your doctor’s office waiting room, but I don’t want to know about the fungus in your hoohah, k?

What about you? Do you have any Twitter rules?