If you’re like me, you’ve got a pretty firm handle on your household chores like laundry, dishes, and cooking, but the yard is a bit of a baffling thing. I mean, stuff can theoretically grow in the house, but I usually throw out the tupperware it’s in when that happens. So I’m not quite sure what to do with the stuff growing in the yard. But, I’m nothing if not innovative and persistent, so here’s my guide to yard work:
1. Get your significant other/housemate/sister/ailing grandfather to do as much of it for you as possible. This sometimes may involve whining, begging, promising sexual favors, or nagging, depending on the person you’ve chosen to be your designated yard tamer. I’ve never had to go beyond opening the garage door and staring bemusedly at the weed-eater. However, if I have to go further in the future, my next step is opening the gas cans to determine their content by scent, or perhaps shaking them like a mysterious Christmas gift and insisting I can tell which one is which by the swishing noise.
You people continue to make me snarf my Diet Pepsi:
I don’t have the energy to write long reviews. I write