The Unexplained Arm Bruise Explained

I have a giant bruise on my arm. It looks like someone tried to smash my face with a baseball bat and I put up my left arm in defense, and they smashed my forearm instead.

I promise, that’s not it. (Happy birthday, honey, and thanks for not beating me with a baseball bat. ;))

I was taking the dog out for a walk the other night because the vet told me she’s too fat. Yes, the vet telling me the dog is fat is better motivation for me to go for a walk than my doctor telling me I’m fat. Don’t psychoanalyze too much.

Dog in question, looking placid (She's faking.)

My dog is a decent walker. We spent a lot of time training her to listen when we’re walking, so she’ll sit on command and walk like she’s supposed to on the leash. But I forgot to tell her to sit the other night and brought her out on the porch with me while she was in full “oh boy oh boy walk walk walk” mode.

Enter the fat gray kitty. The fat gray kitty lives in our neighborhood. I see him regularly. I talk to him and he usually stares at me for a few minutes and then runs away. I regularly find him under a car when I get home from work. Well, the fat gray kitty was in the yard, and my dog saw her opportunity. She must have forgotten that I was holding her leash. Right? Yeah, she forgot.

In any case, the dog took off after the fat gray kitty. The retractable leash un-retracted all the way out before I had a chance to do anything but scream something incoherent. I saw my life flash before my eyes as I was pulled down the three steps from the front porch to the sidewalk. When it was over, the dog was grinning at me from the end of the leash and I was on the sidewalk, still standing, apparently unscathed. I called the dog a name I won’t repeat, and we continued on our way.

But later that night, I leaned on the table with my forearms and realized that something was not right. Apparently, when the dog yanked me down the porch, I somehow managed to smash into the corner of the outside wall of the house with my forearm. I guess it probably saved me from smashing my face into the wall, which is good. But I was too stunned when I hit the ground to even notice the pain. Probably because I thought I was going to die, not somehow land on my feet, still holding the leash.

So that’s where the big scary bruise on my arm came from. In case you were wondering.