This year, I decided to embark upon a special Christmas journey…
Holiday goal: Watch every ass-tastic holiday made-for-TV movie available for streaming on Netflix. Ready, set, go.
— Sonja Foust (@SonjaFoust) November 22, 2014
And I came away from my first few viewings with a life lesson and a hashtag.
Since it’s a week before Christmas, I thought I should share my reviews in case you want to get your Netflix on between now and then. Here are my Top 10 (ok, fine, only 10) #madeForTVHoliday movies of the season:
1. A Princess for Christmas – Watched it last year, hated it. Watched it this year, didn’t mind it as much because Jamie Fraser (Outlander) is in it, although he looks much better in his highlander get-up than he does in a fox hunting outfit. Terrible acting, shit story, ugly costumes, but there’s snow and Jamie, so not a total loss.
3. The Mistle-Tones – Be warned: There is much singing, some of it the kind that gives me the gut-shivers (in a bad way). But it was a decent movie. Cute characters.
4. Christmas Cupid – Dumb. Ruhl, ruhl dumb. But dumb in a hilarious fashion, so I hate-watched it. (This is the one with the starlet who dies from choking on a martini olive and comes back to haunt her PR rep. Yeah.)
5. Dear Santa – I didn’t even make it all the way through this one. The premise was too terrible. And there was a gay best friend who wore pink all the time. I just can’t. I still love you, though, Amy Acker.
7. Holidaze – Pretty good, except that the heroine had weird mouth wrinkles. I liked that the families were sweet and normal and non-judgy (for the most part). I am sensing a theme, though: Corporate go-getters (especially women) are always eventually converted to cabin-in-the-woods, fireplace-loving, family-wanting homebodies because of course you cannot be kind and good and wear white if you are a corporate go-getter and also a woman.
8. Holiday Engagement – This is another one of those bringing a fake boyfriend home for Christmas because my family are such judgmental shits that they will actually care if I’m single or not. Not as cute as the Mario Lopez one and sort of weird and sad as a whole.
9. Journey to the Christmas Star – If you want weird, this is it. It’s an overdubbed Norwegian fantasy and it is strange even if you take the dubbing into account. Oh who am I kidding? I watched it because the heroine’s name is Sonja.
10. Coming Home For Christmas – Barf. Schmaltz. Gag. Terrible, nasally singing, and a Marine with face stubble. Best actor: Gus the adorable puppy. Honorable mention: British Columbia scenery.
Merry Christmas! May it be full of ass-tactic small-screen goodness. (Share the ones you’ve seen at #madeForTVHoliday or here in the comments!)