2015 #MadeForTVHoliday Movies

Last year I started a project to watch every crappy made-for-TV holiday movie I could get my grubby little paws on, and Tweeted about them (sort of). The recap of 2014 is here. This year I have a whole new crop of greatness to share with you.

1. The Twelve Dates of Christmas

I actually watched this one last year, but for some reason it didn’t make my list… possibly because it’s not actually that crappy! I mean, I can still be snarky about it a little, but of all the made-for-TV poos I’ve seen, this one is probably the least poo-ey.

(I ain’t even gonna lie. I loved Saved by the Bell.)

Anyways, this is sort of a Groundhog Day one. The heroine starts all blonde and rude and hateful, and over the course of re-living the same Christmas Eve again and again becomes less rude and hateful (but not less blonde).

It’s sweet, it’s cute, you’ll like it.

2. Christmas Crush (or Holiday High School Reunion)

My luck ran out immediately after the one good one on the list, because Christmas Crush basically crushed my soul. Here is a summary of the entire movie:

Yep, that’s the basic plot. This woman who never really moved on from high school is still in love with this dumb jock with absolutely no redeeming qualities. Meanwhile, her best friend (whose sexuality I couldn’t guess until halfway through the movie) has been in love with her forever and she won’t look twice at him.

Throw in some really slutty Christmas carols et voila. A crappy Christmas movie you’ll love to hate.

3. The Heart of Christmas

You guys, I did not read the description of this one carefully enough. Fair warning: It’s about a baby with cancer. It does not end happily. And I can’t even make fun of it because it’s based on a true story. So unless you want your heart ripped out of your chest and squished with the grief of dead babies, maybe skip this one.

4. A Very Murray Christmas

This one is a stretch because it was made for Netflix, not TV, but it’s ridiculous enough that I have to include it in my list. My summary is basically, “what the actual fuck happened here.”

It was a weird, probably drunk, self-indulgent romp that didn’t have too much for high points, besides this.

#MerryChristmas, George Clooney, giving us all a #present this holiday season.

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christmasbounty5. Christmas Bounty

I probably don’t have to do much but tell you what this one is about to make you laugh. Former Jersey girl bounty hunter from a long line of bounty hunters accidentally brings her new Upper East Side boyfriend home for the holidays. Hijinks ensue.

Surprisingly, this is one of the least stupid ones of these that I’ve seen. I mean, sure there were awful Jersey accents and leopard print and cleavage everywhere, but there was no terrible singing, it never tried to take itself seriously at all, everyone in the family was kind and loving in kind and loving ways (not the usual, “I love you honey, that’s why I am telling you that you are a huge disappointment to the family” way that most of the parents in these Christmas specials are). So, with a little reluctance, I give this one two thumbs up. Stick around for the dance party in the end credits. Worth it.

  • Crystal Nelson

    Ooh I love 12 Dates of Christmas! If I ever saw it on DVD I would totally buy it. I’ve been watching these this season too and so far it’s been a bust for finding a good one. Like the one that was suppose to be about a dating show on a radio station but the stronger story line was about her husband dying on Christmas and her son still seeing his ghost. Bawl Fest!