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So you’ve got the writing thing down. You know how to publish. But how the hell do you market this damn thing? That’s why we wrote Market Like a Mofo: How to Sell More Copies of Your Badass Book. We’re throwing down four levels of marketing plan for you, from let-it-all-hang-out Bare-Ass Nekkid Marketing to totally committed, toothbrush-at-his-place and shared-laundry-duties Move-in Marketing. Plus, you can choose from some extra smartypants tactics and a big buffet list of everything we’ve got. Once you’re done reading this, you’ll be marketing like a regular whip-wielding mofo.
Maybe you are a badass writing princess with a bionic editing implant and a tiara that shoots a thousand words an hour along with Pez and Red Bull. Or perhaps you’re an ass-kicking penslinger with a bolero that vaporizes adverbs (badly). Whatever your comic book alter ego, you need some marketing mojo.
Not writing mojo — you got that packed in, lit up, and already fireworks.
Not publishing mojo — you got that diced, alkalized, and blasting outta your Hamilton Beach masticating juicer.
You wanna sell some damn books already.
Like, if it’s something you can do. When you’re not busy doing what you actually love, which is manically hunting down, dragging home, and packing words into digital piles, stacks, towers, closets, basements, sheds, barns, and U- Store-Its like one of those freaks on Hoarders.
Will marketing take precious time away from your true love? Are you going to have to learn to build a website, or manage one of those autoresponder thingys?
No! Horrors! Of course not!
Unless you want more tacos, that is. And if you want to be able to purchase the (badly-needed) upgrade on that adverb-vaporizing bolero.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re self-publishing or working with a traditional publisher; marketing moves product, and no agent or publisher can shift bookage like you can. After all, the fans don’t just care about seeing what treasures Indiana Jones can produce. They want to be able to crowd around, try on his hat, and ask him to show how he does that thing with the whip.
You, the sexy badass author-cum-adventurer, need to figure out where your potential fans are and what they’d like to hear from you. Give ’em a little piece of your personal madness. Sprinkle them with the virtual dust of exotic locales. Pose for a webcam picture with them. And whaddya know, there’s a merch table set up on the wing of your biplane where they can buy your book!
That, friend, is marketing. So yes, you’ll need to learn some marketing skills. And calm down; everything is going to be okey-dokey, because the biggest untrumpeted secret about marketing is this:
You don’t. Hafta. Do it all.
For a writer, there’s very little that’s less appealing than the thought that we might have to spend more time doing work that’s not writing. We all want — hell, some of us actually have — a romantically run-down desk in an attic garret where we spend our days penning the next Oprah-favored, empire-toppling, Pulitzer-nominated space-vampire novel. Or at least banging out the copy that (mostly) pays our garret-rent.
And yet writing is only part of the job of being a writer. Definitely the best part, but not the whole enchilada and two martinis.
But you don’t have to do all the marketing that marketing website said you have to do. Really. One sip of a martini is better than no martini, right? Why should you feel the need to get married to marketing when you could just give it a kiss and a butt-pat and call it done?
To that end, we present here several different levels of marketing designed for self-publishing and traditionally published writers who would rather be writing. We think you’ll find at least one plan in here you’re comfortable with. And if not, that’s cool too. You can take bits and pieces here and there and see what works for you.
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